I am the neighborhood creeper.

This morning is turning out to be an exercise in self-restraint. I am working very, very hard to not take my disheveled, questionably dressed morning self across the street to lounge on a stoop that does not belong to me. Their cat is lonely. I am sure of this. He/she/it needs love and attention and cuddling.

I tend to think that the tabby’s human family is incredibly weird and dysfunctional. I was afraid this was just me being ornery and judgmental but one of my apartment mates confirmed that they were odd. I felt much better about myself for a few weeks after that conversation.

Then, I realized that I was the one crossing the street and lurking by their hedgerow when the kitten was meowing at their front door. I never crossed the line to letting the cat into their house nor to claiming the cat as my own but I was sorely tempted in both directions. This phenomenon has happened more than once and in a handful of different types of weather. This morning, as I was considering swiping my fingers across the stick of butter on the counter and padding barefoot down the never-swept steps and across the never-cleaned street to sit with the cat, I came to an epiphany:

I am very lucky nobody has called the cops on me, yet.

Thank you, tolerant neighbor people!

SCIENCE!!!

YOU GUYS, I WANT ONE OF THESE!!!1!

This weekend, I decided to try my hand at cold brewing coffee. Never let it be said that I never tried to reinvent the wheel; people far more clever than I have developed perfectly wonderful ways of cold brewing coffee and made those methods available for free on the Internet. I have read several “recipes” for cold brewing and committed to memory the more salient points.

However, when I decided yesterday that my need for coffee was countered by the dehumanizing effect humidity has upon my heart and soul, I transformed into a crazed mad scientist. In brief, I became this guy:

Dexter's Lab

It's the truth, yo.

My solution to the cold brewing problem turned out to be dumping an awful lot of coffee grounds into a filter set into a round plastic container. I poured in some water and watched the grounds swirl around for a bit, then I realized I wanted coffee now. Letting the coffee sit and soak would take too long. I needed to strain and squeeze the filter.

The folly of placing a filter directly into the bowl emerged shortly thereafter. There is no way to take a coffee filter out of a bowl filled with water without part of the filter flopping over and letting coffee grounds out, which of course defeats the purpose of having a filter in the first place. The solution to that little problem was obviously to take another coffee filter and shove it into the top of a glass. Grab a rubber band, affix the filter to the rim of the glass, and voilà!! Coffee drip.

Little by little, I tipped the plastic container up and poured coffee sludge into the new setup. When the glass was about a third full of extremely weak coffee, I ran out of patience and squeezed the filter into the glass. I added a spoonful of Key Coffee’s Royal Milk Tea powder and some actual milk and chugged it all down. Then I became this girl:

I have always wanted to grow up to be Buttercup.

ka-POW!!

Well, okay. Not really. What I actually did was pour the rest of the coffee sludge into a larger plastic bowl, pour in some more water, stir it up, and stick it in the fridge to sit. Then I headed off down the street to get my hair cut.

I really, really, really like the salon down the street that I’ve never gone to before. They gave me coffee. Really, real coffee. So, really, I was far more like this girl:

why have I never gone there before?

[Plus, I really love this haircut and I decided to really shell out the cash and get my eyebrows waxed, because what the hey, I’d already spent $50 that morning on a new bedframe. Who needs fiscal flexibility?]

I am pleased to report that the coffee mixture I pulled out of the fridge this morning is stronger than what I managed to dish up yesterday. It’s not perfect, but then, as long as something is caffeinated and vaguely pumpkin-flavored, I love it to itty bitty pieces.

I repeated the filter-rubber-banded-to-a-glass trick to get half a glass of coffee right away, then set up the plastic bottle I generally pour my hot brewed coffee into to stick in the fridge. I squeezed out the filter from my glass and then got to stand around, sipping it, while I poured the mixture into the neck of the plastic jug. The problem with this arrangement was that I frequently had to stop and wait for the coffee in the filter to seep out a bit and make room for more. This left me with ample time to stare out the window at the tabby huddled on the stoop across the street.

And thus, we are back to where you found me this morning: thinking a great deal about chancing the Neighborhood Watch […do we even have one of those here?] and going all embarrassingly Crazy Cat Lady on some poor, unsuspecting feline. Eventually, I just left the coffee to filter itself and took my glass of liquid gold upstairs to my bedroom and refused to look out the window. I’m trying to pretend that I have some dignity.

…Actually, nevermind. I’m going to spend the day knitting and watching old Cartoon Network shows. Maybe some NickToons, Rocko’s Modern Life or something.

Have a nice day, nothing to see here, move along….

WAIT. One last thing!!

A girl I have known, quite literally, since we were born is getting married in January. She’s amazing and I adore her and I am so, so, so incredibly happy for her. She’s one of my favorite people in the entire world and she’s utterly brilliant and he is one incredibly lucky fellow for having snagged her. Em-chan, with all my heart, congratulations and best wishes and I cannot wait to see you walk down that aisle.

[Mom, sorry for shrieking in your ear over the phone when I got that email.]

[…I think I got all the image coding fixed. They looked fine when I previewed it!! Fail, WordPress!]

Advertisements

One thought on “I am the neighborhood creeper.

  1. Oh Meg a do, I do love you!! What a hoot and I do know how hard restraint is when a forlorn animal is in view!!! Do your best!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s